


I Will Let You Go

by siren-monroe (superamazingwholock)



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-12 18:06:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2119620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superamazingwholock/pseuds/siren-monroe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The Undead Prophet had been wrong. It was not the fact that Amy had to die for the Rising to start. She did, but that was because the First Risen had to lead the Second Rising like they'd done before. She didn’t have to stay dead, only die so that she could lead once again. Only, no one knew this was what had to happen. Not until the Second Rising started."</p><p>What if the Second Rising did happen? What if it brought someone back that no one thought possible? What if Kieren had to choose between the person he died over and the person he'd live for?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Starting Again

**Author's Note:**

> This developed from me just wanting to answer the 'what if Kieren had to choose' question to a 'Amy isn't actually dead' mantra to a whole story about the Second Rising.

_He walked up the steps to the school, people pressing against him and pushing past him all the way into the building. The school wasn’t that big, Roarton wasn’t a large town, and yet the school seemed to be packed, almost bursting at the seams with students. There were just so many people._

_He sighed, clutching his sketchbook tighter to his chest. More than once someone had knocked into him and had almost made him drop it. They weren’t too expensive, he could always get more, but they were his lifeline to getting through each day of this hellhole. Each page held something precious to him, a piece of his soul, even if it was sloppy and rushed as he tried to finish before class was over each day. They were also his ticket out; he had to get out. No one in their right mind would want to live in Roarton their whole lives, though the people that had been born and raised here weren’t anywhere near what he would call sane._

_Someone behind him yelled something and he reflexively looked back as his feet kept walking forward. Big mistake. In the second it took for his head to crane backwards, a large body thudded into his, making him drop everything he had, including the sketchbook._

_“Fuck,” he muttered, trying to quickly gather all of his things and give the other boy his things back as well._

_“Sorry,” the other boy said good-naturedly. “Should’ve watched where I was walking, didn’t mean to bump into ya.”_

_“It’s fine,” he mumbled, though it wasn’t. All his papers were everywhere, and he still hadn’t found his damn sketchbook._

_“Oh, is this yours?” the boy asked. He looked up. The boy wasn’t actually a boy after all, he was older by at least a couple years._ Probably last year here, _he thought, jealous._ He’s probably running as fast as he can from this place. _The man was very good-looking, all muscles and blond locks and sweet smiles. And he was currently rifling through the sketchbook. Without permission._

_“Hey! Yeah, it is. And who said you could just go through it?” He made grabby hands toward it, and the guy gave it back looking sheepish._

_“Sorry. I was curious and got carried away. They’re really good by the way. Are you an artist?” The guy seemed genuinely curious about it. He wasn’t just being polite, like his parents always were towards it. They cared of course, and wanted him to follow his dreams. They supported him fully in his endeavors, but they wanted him to stay as close as possible and that just wasn’t happening. Anytime they talked about art, or painting, or his sketches, it always ended in the exact same argument. He was tired of the same old fight._

_“Thanks,” he gave the man a small smile, still on guard but willing to share his passion of all things art with him. “Yeah. I’m an artist. And it’s fine, I just prefer people have my permission before they go through my things.”_

_The guy rubbed a hand along the back of his neck. He couldn’t help but find him even more attractive when he grinned a little wider. “Sorry again, mate. So, do you just draw? Or can you like paint as well?”_

_A girl brushed past him. He hadn’t realized they’d been just standing still in the hallway for the last few minutes. “I can paint, too. I can tell you more about it, if you want?” This was it. The last straw before he genuinely liked this guy for good. He hoped the guy wasn’t just messing with him._

_“I’d like that. Name’s Rick.” The guy, Rick, turned with him to start walking down the hall again._

_“Kieren.”_

Slowly, Kieren began to wake up. His one free arm stretched above his head. He felt a warm body pressed against his back and smiled. Rick must’ve ended up spending the night. Usually they tried not to do that. It was easy to tell they were more than just best mates and their parents weren’t completely comfortable with the sleepovers anymore. Well, his parents weren’t comfortable. Rick’s parents, or dad at least, hated him. His mom was polite enough but Kieren could tell she thought Rick should be with someone else. Someone not so...outcasted and wild. She liked him enough and wanted her son to be happy, but still, Kieren could tell she would’ve preferred it to be with somebody else.

He slid one eye open and recognized it as Amy’s bungalow. But, that wasn’t right, was it? Why would he and Rick be here of all places? And then the thoughts crashed down around on him. Rick was _gone_. Had been for a long time. Yet, sometimes Kieren would dream of him, or remember one of their lazy afternoons listening to music or Kieren painting him, and forget that he’d ever left. But, Rick wasn’t coming back. No matter how much Kieren had begged at his grave for him to make a second miracle happen, Rick was staying in the ground for good this time. 

“Mornin’.” The Irish accent was thicker in the mornings. It fell upon Kieren like a caress, one he had become familiar with. Instead of blond hair, Kieren now looked at dark brown hair. Instead of scars covering the side of the face, there was a long one down the back. Instead of Rick, Kieren had Simon. And he cared for Simon, no matter how much he missed Rick. Rick was his first love, and Kieren had thought he would be his last. But, things change. 

“Morning,” he spoke, his voice thick with sleep and emotion. 

The arm draped over him tightened, bringing Kieren closer to Simon’s chest. “What’s wrong?”

Kieren sighed. “Nothing. Just dreamed of Rick last night. When we first met. Sometimes I miss him so much.” 

After the graveyard incident, after Gary had made Kieren take Blue Oblivion and Simon had saved Kieren’s life, after the Second Rising had been called off, after Amy’s death and her funeral, the two of them had sat down and talked. Simon had come clean about the Undead Prophet’s plans, and so much more. About his past before the Rising and after the Rising. The things he’d had to do. The things he hadn’t wanted to do, but did anyway for the ‘greater good’ as it was always spewed for people to believe. Simon had told Kieren about everything.

In return, Kieren had given everything he’d had as well. He talked a lot about Rick, not really many specifics, but the plans, the feelings, the hurt and guilt. The relief Kieren had felt when he’d committed suicide. They’d talked about everything. They’d needed to. After Amy was gone, they only had each other. Simon was considered a traitor, and no matter how much he loved his parents, Kieren couldn’t tell them all these things: the Walkers had just gotten past the road bumps Maxine Martin had left in her wake. They didn’t need anymore to add to that.

Simon and Kieren had decided during their talk that they needed to always talk to each other. This couldn’t be a one time thing. They needed to talk about feelings, memories, random thoughts, anything they needed to get off their chests. As lame as it sounded communication was key to making this relationship work. And they needed this relationship to work. That had always been something he and Rick could never do. Rick rarely ever wanted to talk about anything like that. Rick was always stolen kisses and hushed confessions, whereas Simon would prefer that they shouted their feelings from the rooftops every other day. 

“Understandable. He was your first love. No matter how many people you’re with he will always have a place in your heart where you remember the happy times and love him.” Simon placed a kiss on the back of Kieren’s neck. “Do you want to tell me about how you two met?”

Kieren couldn’t help but smile at the memory, just like he had when he’d woken up. “I was carrying a lot of stuff, a sketchbook included, at school when this guy walked right into me.”

-X-

Kieren gripped Simon’s hand tightly as they walked down the road. It had taken a little bit for Kieren to get used to the public displays of affection that Simon insisted should happen. It wasn’t the fact of Kieren being shy, or even caring what his neighbors would think, it was just something he’d never done with Rick.

They were going to the Walker’s house for Sunday lunch. Even though neither ate, it was insisted that they both always come. His mom had told him “After everything, we see Simon as family now. And family comes to Sunday lunch.” And that was that. When Kieren had told Simon this, he’d seemed so shocked.

“They consider me… family?” he’d asked, barely above a whisper, like he couldn’t say the words any louder or they would no longer be true.

“Of course they do. Now come on, don’t want to be late do you?” 

That was a couple weeks ago. At first conversation had been stilted and awkward. No one really knew what to say, and Jem and Simon had never actually talked before. But, they’d gotten through it and the ice had eventually broke when Jem made a joke. Kieren appreciated it. He knew how hard it was for his sister after everything that had happened. To see her making an effort with Simon was amazing. If his heart was working properly, it would have warmed. 

They walked up to the house and knocked. It took only a moment for Kieren’s dad to let them in, looking panicked. He ushered them in and locked the doors immediately after. 

“What’s wrong, Dad? What’s happened?” Kieren asked. He looked around. The table was half set, as if in the middle of preparing for lunch they’d stopped. Weapons lay on the table instead of food. Were they expecting an attack or something?

“You didn’t hear?” his mom asked, coming over. She checked them both over franticly. 

Kieren looked to Simon for confirmation that his parent’s were acting weirder than normal. Simon looked just as confused and that relieved some of Kieren’s tension. At least he wasn’t the only one that had no clue what was going on. “Hear what?”

Jem turned the television volume up as an answer. A news report was going on. “What can you tell us about the Second Rising that seems to be happening?” a woman asked a professional-looking man in a white lab coat.

“What?” Simon said. “What do they mean Second Rising?”

“That’s just it, Simon. We don’t know. We were in the middle of fixing lunch when Jem turned the news on. This was all over it. No one knows what’s happening.” Kieren’s dad explained. “We were worried. We didn’t- we didn’t know if you two had gotten stuck in it. We don’t know how bad it is out there. We just know that the officials have said to stay inside and keep your weapons close.” The _just like last time_ hung heavy in the air.

Kieren couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How was this possible? Wasn’t the Rising supposed to happen right after the First Risen was killed? At least that was what Simon was told by the Undead Prophet. But, it had been almost a month since Amy’s death. Did this mean-?

“We’ve got to go, Mum,” Kieren said, taking Simon by the hand and leading him back out. They had to get there as quick as possible before any paranoid idiots decided to take matters of the Second Rising into their own hands.

“Where are you going?” his dad shouted out after him. “It’s not safe out there!” Kieren didn’t respond, he just kept going in the direction of the cemetery. He had to know for sure. Hope began to swell in his chest, but he stamped it down. He couldn’t let his hopes get too high just in case. 

“Where are we going?” Simon asked after letting Kieren tug him along for a while.

“The cemetery, obviously.” Of course they were going to the cemetery: Amy could be back! His hands couldn’t stop shaking. He was so nervous it wasn’t going to happen. He needed his best dead friend forever back.

“I thought-” Simon stopped himself. Kieren halted at how unsure Simon sounded. He looked back at him. Simon seemed confused and insecure and Kieren had no clue why. What was there to be confused or insecure about?

“What did you think?” he asked gently. During these times it was easiest to gently and slowly coax Simon’s thoughts out of him, he hated showing emotions he thought were weak.

He sighed and looked frustrated with himself. Simon looked down for a moment and then back up, as if he had to look Kieren in the eye when he said it. “I thought you would want to go to the new graveyard.”

He didn’t have to say anymore, Kieren knew exactly what Simon meant, why he was so unsure of himself. In all honesty Kieren hadn’t let himself think of Rick being alive once again. He didn’t know what he would do. What could he do? No, he refused to think of Rick until he saw if he got his best friend back or not. “I want to see if Amy is back first.”

Simon nodded and they continued on their way. The rest of the walk was silent. Kieren had so many thoughts ready to burst out of his brain, and he had no doubt Simon was the same way. He didn’t want to think about Rick coming and what that would mean. He didn’t know if he would be relieved or disappointed if Rick didn’t come back. Did that make him a bad person?

He and Simon had just gotten to a good place. They trusted and understood each other. Had made compromises and declarations. If Rick was back that could change everything. Of course, if Rick did come back, it didn’t mean Kieren had to get back together with him. Rick would expect it, and it was something he had wanted so badly for so long, but did he still want that? Did he still want to be with Rick? The question wasn’t if he loved him still, Kieren would always love Rick. But, love wasn’t enough to make a relationship work, so many other things were needed. Could they work? Could they work out everything that had been a problem before? And what if he did decide to give him and Rick another chance, what about Simon? 

Kieren wasn’t entirely sure if he was in love with Simon yet. He knew that he cared for the other man deeply, but was it love? He knew that it would eventually turn into love, could already feel himself on that precipice waiting to fall off the side. He knew if he did Simon would be there to catch him. Simon was always there to catch him. But, was he ready to take the leap?

His thoughts kept swirling around in his head until they reached the graveyard. Almost two dozen people were roaming around, but he didn’t see Amy anywhere. The two walked among each person, trying to find the one they desperately wanted; however, there were no signs of their beloved Amy Dyer. 

Kieren felt despair fall over him when they were done. It felt like losing her all over again. He had hoped so hard, but she was gone forever it seemed. He fell into Simon’s arms and they held each other tightly with the dead still wandering around them.

-X-

The next stop for them was the other gravesite. The one where Rick was buried. He didn’t even know if anyone there would even be alive. Was there a prerequisite to being brought back? Kieren didn’t know.

Again, they were silent for most of their walk to the other graveyard. The town was eerily silent, not that it was loud even when the undead weren’t walking around. When they were almost at the graveyard, Simon stopped them.

“Do you want to do this alone?” he asked. If Rick were back would having Simon there make things more awkward? Probably not. Rick may not even remember either of them being there once he was treated. Did Simon not want to be there?

“If you want to come, I want you to be there.” The man nodded his head once, a quick jerking motion that showed how nervous he actually was for this. Kieren felt the same nerves eating him up as well.

They made the final trek to the graveyard. Not even half the number of people from the other graveyard were in this one. Only seven people were stumbling around.

“Is he in here?” Simon asked softly.

Kieren swallowed before answering, staring at the man straight ahead. “Yeah, he’s in here.”


	2. Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone ready for the next chapter? I know I am!

The world seemed to stop as Kieren stepped closer to the boy he’d lost not once, but twice. He’d never seen Rick in his rabid state before. The short time Rick had been back he’d always been in control and collected, never would have even thought about missing a dose or taking a drug. He looked the same as he usually would, just more haggard and pale. His eyes seemed more sunken in and his eyebrows were missing. He was dirty and his clothes were slightly torn. He seemed vulnerable even though Kieren knew he could rip a person apart in seconds. In a weird way Kieren fell in love with him all over again.

Without even realizing it, Kieren had walked up right next to Rick. His hand was halfway out to touching Rick’s cheek. He looked his first love in the eye, Rick seemed to look right through him for a second before refocusing his eyes on Kieren. His eyes flickered with what looked to be recognition for a second. Kieren’s heart swelled in his chest that Rick could remember him even in a rabid state. His fingertips brushed the unmarred cheek, and then the silence was broken.

“What do you want to do?” Simon asked quietly. 

Kieren couldn’t look away from Rick as he answered. “I have no clue. But I don’t want to leave him here. Gary’ll probably be bustin’ in any second to kill every last one of ‘em. Damn the consequences.” Kieren mimicked Gary’s voice. “A rotter’s a rotter after all.”

“Do you want to take him back to the bungalow? Maybe see if we can treat him?” Kieren flashed back to GP Surgery when he and Simon had the fight about the two in the cage. He remembered his argument _The treatment center is the best place for them._ Only he no longer believed that. Couldn’t after everything that had happened.

“I don’t know. We still don’t know the first thing about treating them. What if something goes wrong?”

Simon’s answer was barely audible even though the world around them was silent. “I know. But as you already said Gary and the rest of the HVF are going to be swarming these cemeteries soon. They’re going to neutralize any threat they see, whether they were told to or not. And we don’t know how long it’ll even take before they’re taken away.” Simon was silent for a moment before adding. “Also, they’ll be in the treatment center. They’ll be...experimented on since it seems no one knows why it’s happening again. They’ll want to know it they’re different in any way.”

He knew Simon was right. He let his hand on Rick’s cheek fall and looked back at him. Simon seemed even more troubled than he had before they entered the cemetery and the unknown was looming over them. “You’re right. I don’t know if we’ll be able to help him, but the treatment center should be our last option.”

Kieren turned fully away from Rick now, surveying the rest of the place. “What about the rest of them?”

Simon shrugged. “We can’t take them all back even though I would prefer that to leaving them here practically defenseless.” When Kieren raised an eyebrow at him, Simon added on “To guns. HVF’s going to being using guns, something they can’t protect themselves against. But we’d never get them all back to the bungalow. And even if we somehow managed that, if the medicine doesn’t work, then we’ve got seven people on our hands that we don’t know how to help. And then there are still the dozens in the other cemetery.” He sighed, still trying to figure out what to do. It was clear he didn’t want any to go have to go back to the treatment center, but what else was there?

“I don’t think there’s anything we can do for them, Si. We can’t take them anywhere else, there’s too many of them. And we can’t stay here, Gary’s been waiting for an opportunity to gun us both down. If he catches us here, he’ll kill us and say he thought we were part of the rabid. Or that he thought we were going to do something bad with them, like get them to attack the living or some shit.”

“I know. I just- I don’t want them to have to go through what we went through.” The _what I went through_ was left unspoken, but Kieren knew what he really meant. Kieren hadn’t had the most pleasant time in the treatment center, but Simon’s experience was much worse. And his experience would most likely be what the Second Risen’s time in there would be like. Kieren shuddered just thinking about it. 

They were both silent for a moment. Kieren was contemplating what to do. He knew there was very little chance they could get Rick to the bungalow without any problems, let alone all these others. He couldn’t see this ending any other way than badly, but Simon wasn’t going to willingly leave them if he could help it. 

“Come on, then. We’ve got to get them before any living come knocking down the cemetery gates!” A female said. Someone shushed her. 

Kieren looked to Simon. It was the others. While not the best option, they were preferable to Gary or anyone else. This was Simon and Kieren’s cue to leave with Rick. Simon nodded at Kieren after a moment of silent communication. He was okay with this. Kieren took Rick gently by the arm and they began going the opposite way of the group of people.

-X-

Amy could only see darkness. It surrounded her, enveloped her. It felt like the black void was all she’d ever known. Every once and a while she could hear voices murmuring things. She would always try to speak to them, to ask where she was or who they were, but no words could come out. They all ended stuck in her throat.

And then there was the pain. She almost preferred it to the silence and darkness. At least then she could _feel_. She could feel something besides the numbness that now accompanied her every waking moment. When the pain happened, it felt like a thousand knives cutting her at once. Tiny little pinpricks all over her body. It may not have been the most pleasant of times, but the pain was the only thing that kept her even a little sane. 

When the silence overwhelmed her and choked her, Amy would think about Kieren and Simon...and Phillip. She missed them all so much. Once upon a time she’d been angry and devastated that Kieren and Simon had fallen for each other behind her back. She’d had a schoolgirl crush, yes she could now realize how silly she had been, on Simon. And Kieren was her BDFF. How could they have betrayed her like that? But, they hadn’t not really. They had fallen in love, the kind of love that only happens once in a lifetime, and they’d been lucky enough to find it in each other. And she had been lucky enough to find it in Phillip.

She almost whimpered at that train of thought. It hurt to think about Simon and Kieren, how she would probably never see them again, but not ever seeing Phillip again was so much worse. She had liked Phillip, no matter how stupid he had been, from almost the moment they first met. Of course, as soon as they’d met he’d been a right prick. But, then they’d had sex, and she was certain they’d both felt that spark even then. Which was why when he had said to never speak of it again she was so hurt. She had been hoping that spark wasn’t some lie or some cruel trick her body wanted to play on her. 

But it had been real. They had fallen in love just like Kieren and Simon. And now she was almost certain she would never lay eyes on him, or hear him say something stupid, or grin that idiotic smile of his ever again. No, she tried her hardest not to think about Phillip. 

She tried to focus mainly on what happened though. She didn’t remember much. She remembered having a lovely time with _him_ , being at her Gran’s grave, seeing Maxine Martin, and then nothing. But something must have happened, right? She couldn’t have just been in Roarton one second and wherever the hell she was the next! It couldn’t be possible! So what was she missing?

“Okay, Amy, time for the tests,” a voice told her. The voice was one of the many she occasionally heard. 

After another moment the pain started up. Her body jolted and squirmed. It hurt worse than it had before. She arched off the platform she was on, trying desperately to get away from the pain. 

For the first time that she could remember since being here, words erupted from her mouth. “Please! Stop! I’ll doing anything, just STOP IT!”

And then it was over, she was back in the darkness.

-X-

It was an agonizingly slow process getting Rick to the bungalow. He was slow, barely shuffling along. More than once they had to stop and hide somewhere as the HVF came strolling through. They were loud and raucous, trying to draw out any undead to kill. On every occasion Rick tried to run at them. Only Simon’s quick thinking had saved Rick from dying at the feet of Gary.

Eventually the bungalow came into sight. Kieren couldn’t help but sigh in relief. The journey that usually didn’t take but minutes seemed to drag on forever. He was glad they all made it back in one piece. 

Kieren helped Rick up the bungalow’s steps and inside before turning to Simon. “How do you think we should go about treating him?”

Simon shrugged. “I don’t know yet. We can try our medicine, but I don’t know how well it will work or if it’ll have any side effects. Thankfully, since he was already undead he’s got the spot for us to use the medicine gun.”

Kieren nodded. “Should we try it out now?”

“Yeah. I’ll get the medicine ready. You should get him sitting down. And also make sure you can hold ‘im down. He’ll probably be fightin’ it since it’s been a while since he’s had it.”

While Simon left the room, Kieren got Rick into a sitting position on the couch. He angled him so that Simon would have an easy time administering the dose. He just hoped this would work on Rick. There was no telling if the Second Rising would be any different than the first. 

Kieren wanted this to all blow over. He just wanted it to be like it used to be once again. He didn’t know when exactly he meant, couldn’t decide between this morning or before he’d even died. He had no clue how far he really wanted to go, how oblivious he wanted to be again.

“Here it is,” Simon said, coming back into the room. Kieren holds onto Rick as best he can while Simon pull the neck of the shirt back and administers the drug.

Rick shaked violently. He fought against Kieren’s grasp, grunting and groaning as he seized. It took what felt like hours before his body stopped convulsing in Kieren’s lap. He stroked Rick’s hair and murmured soothing words the whole time. 

They stayed like that for a long time, neither moving at all. Their breathing eventually matched. Kieren was wrapped up in Rick. He saw the boy he once knew, so fragile and vulnerable. Just wanting his father’s love and acceptance. Wanting to fit in with the small town of Roarton. This was the Rick he’d always known. Kieren was so wrapped up in re-memorizing every detail of Rick that he could, he didn’t even notice that Simon had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or a kudos, it certainly makes my day!
> 
> Also check me out on tumblr. Say hi or whatnot: siren-monroe.tumblr.com
> 
> Also, Amy won't be in this fic that much. I just really wanted to give some story about what's happening to her in the treatment center.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a lot longer than I intended it to take! College application deadlines have been coming up so I've been busy with them, hopefully now that that's over with I can write more! On with the story!

The next morning Kieren woke to banging in the kitchen. He looked around and didn’t see Rick anywhere. Panic surged through him. He bolted up and ran into the kitchen, his body stiff from sleep and death. 

Rick was slowly stumbling about and crashing in to almost everything in the small space. He turned towards Kieren, but he knew with heartbreaking realization Rick still did not recognize him. Kieren knew he needed to give Rick another dose, needed the medicine to work, needed to see the Rick he once knew and once fell for. 

“C’mon, Rick, we need to give you some more medicine, it’ll make you feel better.” Kieren kept his voice calm and talked slowly trying to keep Rick in a peaceful state. He gently took Rick by the hand and sighed in relief when Rick didn’t fight him. They moved to the couch and sat in the same positions as last night, but there was a problem: Simon wasn’t here this time. Kieren didn’t know how he could administer any drugs with only himself. He wasn’t strong enough to carefully give Rick the drug _and_ hold him down.

This led to one solution: find Simon. But, he couldn’t just leave Rick here by himself, could he? And where was Simon anyway? He didn’t normally leave without telling Kieren where he was going. It had become a thing after Simon had went to the city and not told anybody. Kieren needed to know, needed the reassurance Simon was coming back, even if it was just to go for a walk. Kieren needed to know that Simon wasn’t leaving him again. 

However, Kieren knew he needed to find Simon to help Rick, so he went to their shared bedroom intent on changing from the clothes he was currently wearing into slightly cleaner ones. Only, once Kieren got to the bedroom, he realized that wasn’t necessary. There Simon was, sleeping peacefully as ever. Kieren felt so stupid for not thinking to check the whole house before he went on a rampant through the town to find his missing boyfriend. 

The word jolted Kieren. Was Simon still his boyfriend? Truth be told, they had never even defined their relationship in such simplistic terms to begin with. They had always been “together” and such, but labels weren’t something either of them needed. Simon had always had casual, non-labeled relationships with the few he’d had, and Kieren was only ever with Rick, which was never labeled as anything more than “best friends”. They’d never seen the need for labels but all of a sudden Kieren did. 

Rick was back. The saying still felt weird to even think. But it was true. Rick was back, and Kieren still loved him, still cared for him. Even if Rick was never fully back like he’d been before, he was here, he was alive, he was back. 

And Kieren still loved him. 

How could he love two people at once? He cared about Simon. 

He cared about Rick. 

He loved Simon. 

He loved Rick.

He wanted to be with Simon.

He wanted to be with Rick.

Movement from the bed stopped Kieren’s thinking process. He might have been having a meltdown on the inside, but now was not the time to deal with it. Now was the time to take care of Rick.

Simon’s arms stretched above his head, and the covers fell down slightly revealing the pale expanse of skin underneath. Simon refused to wear clothes to bed, said it felt unnatural. Kieren remembered smiling and saying that his whole existence was unnatural, why stop at wearing pajamas? Simon had smiled and made it a rule that Kieren could never wear clothes to bed either. Of course, the rule had been restricted to just the bungalow the first time they’d ended up having to stay in Kieren’s room at the Walker residence. 

“Time to get up, sleepyhead. We need to give Rick more medicine.”

Simon rolled over to face Kieren and opened an eye. “Give me a minute.”

He knew that was all he’d get from the man. It turned out that Simon was not a morning person in the slightest, but it was especially bad when he hadn’t gotten much sleep. “How much sleep did you get last night?”

Simon peered at the clock. “Three hours.” He then slowly sat up and stretched again. “Had some stuff I needed to do.”

Kieren was almost certain the stuff had to do with other people that had risen, knew that no matter how much Simon didn’t want anything to do with the Undead Prophet anymore, that he still was very much an extremist at heart. And no matter how mad Kieren wanted to get that he put his life on the line to make sure the others were okay, he couldn’t be because at the end of the day he would have done the same for a cause he cared this much about. 

So, instead of saying something along the lines of “You shouldn’t went back out there”, he asked “Are they all okay?”

Simon glanced over at him in slight surprise as he pulled one of his large sweaters on. It was like he still couldn’t believe Kieren knew him well enough to know where he’d gotten off to. “Yeah. Everyone’s alright. No one seems to know what exactly do though. Even if we can somehow medicate them, what’s gonna stop people from takin’ ‘em? And there seemed to be some that hadn’t come back in the First Rising, like Rick had, so how are we gonna even begin to medicate them? Drill holes in their backs like we got to?”

“Speaking of which, we need to go administer Rick his medicine.” Kieren knew he was changing the subject in not so subtle way, but he had no answers to any of Simon’s questions. Still, all of those things needed to be figured out. As Simon was walking past him out of the room, Kieren grabbed him and said “We will figure this out. We won’t let anyone take any of them. We’ll get through this.”

Simon smiled, it was a small upturn of his lips that seemed to mean he was thinking something he wasn’t saying. “Yeah, I know.”

They each went to their respective places, Kieren holding Rick down and Simon administering the drug. He could see that it was the government administered drug, something he hadn’t noticed last night. He felt a sense of gratitude that Simon would know Kieren would want to give Rick the official medicine, even if the other one worked just as well. Once again Rick struggled violently after the injection. Kieren held him until his body went slack. He ran his hands through Rick’s hair again and again, just like he had when they were younger. It was Rick’s favorite thing when he wanted to be comforted. He loved to just lay in Kieren’s arms and have Kieren run his fingers through his hair. Kieren only knew that because one night Rick had gotten drunk and had accidentally told him. He’d made sure he did all the time since that night.

Simon came back into the room. “Are you good to stay with him?”

“Yeah, sure.” Kieren’s eyebrows furrowed. What was Simon going to do?

“Okay. I’ve got to go. I’ll stop by your parents and tell them you’re good. But, I want to see what the Undead Prophet is gonna have them do with his ‘new recruits’.” Simon hadn’t trusted the Undead Prophet ever since that night. Simon had admitted that he couldn’t keep following someone who tried to make him kill a person he loved. 

“Oh.” Kieren had assumed he would stay here with him and Rick for the day. “Be careful, then.”

“Of course.” Simon smiled but it seemed too tight around the edges, like he was forcing it. Kieren took it as being under so much stress with everything going on at the moment. There was a lot of stress to be had after all. 

Rick grunted and tried to move about, and Kieren realized he was still holding him down. Looking at Rick he forced his mind to stop worrying about Simon. He would be fine, it was Rick he needed to focus on at the moment.

-X-

The pain was agonizing. _A thousand needles must be going through my body_ she thought. She was screaming but it felt as though water clogged her ears, making everything sound distant. She honestly didn’t even know it it _was_ her still screaming. Maybe it was some other girl that was being tortured.

Amy couldn’t feel anything but the pain, couldn’t see anything but darkness, couldn’t feel anything other than cold metal against her burning skin. She felt so numb, and yet she couldn’t stop screaming.

And then it was gone. There was no pain, but there was still darkness, there was still the cold metal cutting her wrists, but now there was also complete silence. She didn’t know which was worse.

-X-

Shortly after the drug administration, Rick had fallen asleep. He looked peaceful in way he hadn’t in ages, not since before he’d even been off to war. When they’d been in their cave, Rick always had this peacefulness about him, like he was finally comfortable in his own skin. Kieren missed seeing that Rick. But now he was here, lying on the couch with his eyes closed and forehead smoothed out. Kieren felt the need to draw him. He picked up his sketchbook and put charcoal to paper.

It felt right to be drawing Rick again. He sketched in the familiar lines he remembered so well and smiled to himself. He had missed drawing Rick in a way he hadn’t known.

“Ren?” Kieren’s head snapped up at the voice. He’d been focused, lost in the drawing he’d been creating. He hadn’t even noticed Rick starting to sit up until he’d spoken.

“You’re awake!” He blurted out. Realizing that he didn’t want to scare him, he said more calmly, “How’re you feeling?”

“Stiff, sore. Where are we? What’re you doing here, Ren?” He sounded dazed as he spoke and kept looking around shiftily like he thought something might attack him at any moment. 

“It’s okay, Rick. We’re at Amy’s bungalow. Do you remember Amy? You met her once at the pub,” Kieren tried to explain as best he could without loading too much on the man in front of him. He needed Rick to agree to stay here, who knows what trouble he could get into if Gary saw him out there.

He frowned. “I think so. But what are we doing at her house? I didn’t like her, not wearing her makeup,” it was at that moment he seemed to focus on Kieren and realized that Kieren wasn’t wearing his either. “Where’s yours? Shouldn’t you have it on? What’s going on? Didn’t I-?”

Trying to speak as calmly as possible in hopes to calm Rick back down, Kieren spoke “It’s okay. She’s not here anymore, someone who was really bad hurt her. I don’t wear the makeup anymore, things have changed since you’ve been gone. A lot of things. Your dad, he hurt you, Rick. He hurt you and then left me to find you like that. And then-and then you were buried in the cemetery. And yesterday you and several others rose up again. I don’t know any more than that, I’m sorry.”

Rick still looked at him with this dazed and confused look on his face. Nothing seemed to be making sense, but Kieren had to make it. Rick needed to understand what was happening to him, needed to understand why he couldn’t leave the bungalow for a while, needed to understand that things weren’t the same as they were before. Kieren had to make sure he understood everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Leave a kudos and a comment if you did :)
> 
> Also come talk to me on [**Tumblr.**](http://senpai-ssohpkc.tumblr.com)


	4. Is This the Last?

It had taken hours before Rick really began to understand it all. And still, Kieren hadn’t told him everything. Hadn’t told him how his dad had died. Hadn’t told him about Phillip and Amy, or Jem, or Gary, or even close to everything that had happened after he’d died. Kieren just didn’t know how. How could he even begin to explain that the world had changed so much?

He also hadn’t said anything about Simon. He had wanted to, the words had been on the tip of his tongue, ready to be whispered or shouted or, hell, even just blurted. But, then they hadn’t escaped. They had sat there, choking up his throat until he’d swallowed them down. He couldn’t do it, not yet. He couldn’t hurt the boy he’d just gotten back so soon. However, he knew he had to. Knew he had to say something before Simon came home. He just didn’t know how he could say it. But then it was too late.

He could hear Simon walking up to the house. Rick could too. “Who is that?”

“It’s Simon. I’ll go let him in.” Kieren rose to meet Simon at the door.

“But why is he here? You told me that me being here was a secret.” 

Kieren chewed on his bottom lip for a second before answering. “He knows. Helped me get you here and helped give you the medication. He lives here too.”

Rick looked dumbstruck by that answer, but Kieren refused to let himself think of feelings at the moment. Now was the time to worry about health, not emotions. There would be time to deal with those pesky things later. He opened the door for Simon. 

Simon looked confused, probably as to why Kieren came to the door. Kieren smiled tightly and said “Rick’s up. I just trying to explain as much as possible to him.”

His eyes focused on Kieren’s for a second before walking past him into the room. Simon nodded before focusing his gaze on Rick. “Right. Well, I’m Simon. I live here as well.” A part of Kieren was relieved he’d said nothing about them being together. He didn’t want to have to explain that with both of them here. 

Rick smiled, it looked so forced Kieren thought it might break his face in two. “I’m Rick, Kieren’s best mate. Thanks for helping Kieren with me in my rabid state.”

They gave each other steady looks and then Simon was turning back around towards Kieren. “I talked to your parents. They were worried sick. Sue was about minutes away from coming to the bungalow herself to make sure you were okay. Apparently Gary tried to get Jem to help him with this whole thing. She refused him though.” A weight he didn’t know existed lifted off Kieren’s shoulders. In the back of his mind he knew this was the perfect time for Gary to try something again with Jem. He was just glad that she saw through his ruse this time around. 

“That’s good. I was a little worried he would try something.” Chewing hard on his lip, Kieren just stood there. He had no clue what to say next.

An awkward silence stretched around them until Simon finally broke it. “It’s about time for medication.”

Silently thanking him, Kieren took the out. “That’s right! I’ll go get it ready.” He hurried into the kitchen and began to prepare Simon’s dose. Unfortunately, it didn’t take but a few seconds and then Kieren was heading back in there with them. 

When he entered, the two seemed to be having some sort of stare-off. The tension was so palpable Kieren could taste it in his throat, just like the words that had been screaming to be let out before. They stared at each other until Kieren came walking back in loudly saying “Okay, it’s ready. Sit down and I’ll administer it.”

Simon readily took a seat. He glanced up at Kieren, who was deftly pulling down the jumper and putting the gun in place. He pulled the trigger as Simon sat relaxed in the chair, this had been a routine for them so many times. It was so natural to run his hand through Simon’s hair as he struggled with the medicine invading his body. Unfortunately that was an after effect that never seemed to go away. 

And then it was Kieren’s turn. He swapped places with Simon and sat there ready while Simon went to get the government administered drug. Kieren knew that the one Simon had made worked just as well as the government one, but he just wasn’t ready to switch yet. They’d both made so many compromises and sacrifices, but Kieren couldn’t handle this one just yet. Simon had always seemed to understand that and never pushed Kieren to use his version. 

“I can do it.” It was the first words Rick had spoken in a long while, making both of them jump. He looked nervous but determined. “I can give you the drug, Ren.”

Kieren smiled tightly at him. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Rick could do it: he’d probably had to do it himself before, but Kieren felt safe with Simon doing it. It felt right with Simon doing it. And it had been a long time since Rick had worked one of those guns. It was just the fact Rick may not know what he was doing and Simon did. Or at least that was what Kieren would keep telling himself.

Looking up, Kieren sees that Simon has a hint of a scowl on his face and he’s practically glaring at Rick. Before anything bad can happen he says “That’s okay, Rick. Simon can do it, he’s done tons of times before.”

Immediately after saying those words, Kieren regretted them. Rick’s face hardened slightly like he didn’t hated even the thought of that. “You sure?”

“‘Course.”

“Alright then.” 

Simon, who had been patiently waiting this entire time looks at Kieren. After a firm a nod, he walks over and places his hands on Kieren’s shoulder. It’s a couple of seconds and then drug is flowing through his body. Simon strokes his thumb across the nape of Kieren’s neck like he always does, but doesn’t kiss the top of his head once he’s finished. Kieren doesn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed by this fact. 

They sit in silence for a moment while Simon is gone before Rick quietly asks “What’s going on between you two?”

For a moment, Kieren doesn’t know how to answer. What does someone say to something like that? That they’re dating? They’re lovers? That they care a lot about each other? Maybe even love? That they’re just friends? Kieren flounders for a moment before blurting out “I love him.” 

As soon as it’s out, Kieren wants to clasp a hand over his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say anything like that. How could he have? How could he have ever thought, even subconsciously, that that could be a good idea?

“Oh.” Rick looks absolutely _heartbroken_ at the confession. “Then why did you save me? Why would you even be out looking for me?”

“I still love you, Rick. I still care about you. That’s never going to go away. Ever.” 

“So, are you going to kick me out once I’m better? Or are you going to follow me? Think about it, Ren. We could finally get out of here! We could go to Paris! Or-or Germany! We could go anywhere and never look back!” Rick looks so hopeful. And for a moment, Kieren thinks about going; wants to go so badly it hurts to even think about staying.

Kieren’s moments away from saying yes when Simon strolls back into the room. He’s got a pained expression on his face, like he’d overheard the entire conversation. And it breaks him to have ever been part of putting that look upon his face. How could he leave?

But, as he looks back at Rick, he sees such a similar expression of pain. And that hurts too. How could he stay?

Mumbling, Simon says “I’m going to head back out. Make sure the others aren’t treating ‘em too harshly.” He begins to walk out the door. Kieren can’t help but follow him.

“Wait.” The single word, barely audible, stops Simon in his tracks. They’re standing outside. It’s just the two of them together for the first time in what feels like forever. It also feels like the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think is going to happen next? Leave a comment! Leave a kudos if you enjoyed!
> 
> Also, check me out on [Tumblr.](http://senpai-ssohpkc.tumblr.com)


End file.
